some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
