dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
