First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
