just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
