so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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