I'm really into asian looking animals
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
