Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
