did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
