Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
