"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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