when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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