please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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