That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
