So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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