do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wow bdsm is so cute
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