I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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