I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am one with the molecules
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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