your thong is hanging out like whoa
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
