I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
