Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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