I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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