dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
