I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
