It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
please come you make the beer taste better
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
