I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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