I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
