I like to think it a success when the cops are called
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
