Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
