I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
