No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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