brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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