so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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