I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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