haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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