where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
