Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
