Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
