I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
