Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
