Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
