Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
