please come you make the beer taste better
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
