sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
