i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize