you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
