i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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