i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
