It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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