where am i from again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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