Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
