tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
