sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do vagina's smell?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
