Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
