Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
