I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
