A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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