Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
