so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
