Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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