my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
