dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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