Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
