it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
