dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
