If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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