I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
