Cold hands, warm shart.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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