Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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