You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
