He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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