Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
