My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
