That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
