You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize