just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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