I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
