Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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