he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
