one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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