who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
