mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the day after is always just damage control
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize