also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
