I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize