i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
