P.S. I can't hear my feet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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