I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
