i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize