I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
