Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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