My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
