"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im six kinds of drunk right now
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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