I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
