he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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