so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
