When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize