Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
