I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
