i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
