College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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