:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize