My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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