So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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