Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
