the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize