hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
