i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
