He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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