they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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