no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
