this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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