So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
