omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
