3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize