So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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