She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
