I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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