Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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