i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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