I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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